Updated: Aug 14, 2020
It happens to most of us. We want to create content around the things we’re passionate about either on social or a blog or we want to speak out in a meeting or email someone of interest, but we don’t. We pause because we care too much about what people think of us. We don’t want them to think we’re egotistical, overly aggressive, too “loud” or just plain inappropriate.
We must learn to nurture ourselves and forgive each other for the judgements we put out to the world to diminish each other. As women, I have to believe that one day, we will truly all love and support each other unconditionally and it starts with one “like” or one email, comment or any type of display of support for another.
We must empower ourselves to love each other and display that love for ourselves to the world without feeling selfish.
Read on to understand 5 concepts to consider when it comes to the content we create for the world to learn from us. Let’s release our fears.
You are presenting in your mind to the wrong audience. When you want to make a post on social or write a blog, even wear that outfit… whatever it is you want, but hesitate because you fear judgement, criticism or misconception - ask yourself- who are the people in my mind that will perceive me negatively here? Think of them right now. Are they family? Colleagues? Distant friends? Do you see them in your mind right now? Are they judging you right now? Now realize- you may love and care for these people and you may even respect them, but they ARE NOT YOUR AUDIENCE. Do you see that? Do you realize that? When you create something you fear will be judged, then those that are judging and not accepting your content are not your people. We tend to make the mistake of writing and posting and creating for people in our mind that we know are not really the people we seek to influence. I want you to realize that your people are out there and if you need this content, then they need it also. This is your audience. If you’re giving advice or writing or posting something, remind yourself of the former you before you had this knowledge and how the old you would’ve felt learning this or seeing this. That is your audience. The people in the world that need this from you and want this from you. Do not create for your naysayers. Put them in a bucket and create with the idea that they do not exist for this moment. Our world is full of critiques and we must learn the tenacity to navigate around them. We can respect their differences, even acknowledge them, but we keep creating and doing our own thing consistently. If you’re trying to cater to everyone, then you’re catering to no one. Read that again.
Your” inner critic voice” is coming from a place of irrationality and insecurity. Know this… that “voice” in your head; the one saying you suck or you’re stupid or you should just quit is wrong 99% of the time. This voice is not your “gut” or your “intuition”. This voice is the worst version of who you are. The voice is stemming from a part of your brain that is not rational and that is constantly on the look out for drama and worry. This voice feeds off of the “fight or flight” emotion where the “sky is always falling”. The frontal cortex a.k.a. the “rational” part of our brain knows this, but we tend to utilize the irrational part far too often which creates reactive habits for us to worry and freak out about things. Learn to slowly get in the habit of recognizing this emotional reposes and pause. Ask yourself if this is really accurate or as Brene Brown likes to say is this just a “shitty story you’re telling yourself?”. Most likely, it is a really shitty story you’re creating in your head based off of assumptions that are just not true.
People do not think about you or what you’re doing as much as you think they do. Hey, guess what?? People are mostly only thinking about themselves. Ask yourself- when you see something another person writes or a picture they post and for whatever reason, you judge it (which we all have done) are you still ruminating on that post days later or even an hour or minutes later? No! People are not thinking about you like you think they are. People are thinking about themselves and what they need more so than they think about you. Trust me, it’s human nature! Let them judge you for that one second and I promise you will not cross their mind again for quite a while and if you do… who cares? Do we really care what people like that think of us? No! Move on.
Get out of your own way! If you consider yourself a perfectionist, then you will continue to suffer from analysis paralysis in which you cannot move forward with the hard things for fear of them being wrong or making you look vulnerable. Do the hard things and be okay with not showing up perfectly. People will love you for having the courage to show up when you struggle or fail or are just unsure about something. Go full force in and do it. Tell the voice to “SHUT the F**CK UP”! At the very least it makes you much more relatable and interesting which is always a cool trait.
Your number of “likes” on social do not reflect the impact of your content. Let’s be clear here- receiving a large amount of “likes” on social or your writing is always going be an ego booster, but realize that many people do like your content even if they don’t double click that “like” button. When you put your content out there, you’re standing on a high rise roof top with a spotlight for all to see everything about who you are and what you do. There are hundreds if not thousands of people watching you do this, but you can’t see them. Their lights are off and they are hidden inside their dark homes, but they’re watching. They want to build trust with you and ensure that your brand is also their brand before they hit that “like” button. Remember this and keep posting who you are and what you do. Eventually they will turn on their lights.
These are a few of my thoughts on how to overcome this fear of being our true and authentic selves. These are also tips to myself each and every day because I also struggle with caring too much about what people think.
Overcoming this fear is a daily battle that as women we have to wok together to love, support and hold each other up high when we feel low. Make a decision right now to limit your judgement of each other and reach out to a female today that needs your love and support. All it takes is a quick comment or text to say - “you inspire me, keep going”.
Keep going… and thank you taking this time to read my thoughts here. If you like this article, please let me know.